Now.

It is again being reiterated by life that happiness is not a fallback sequence or the norm, it is something I must run after. That I have to actively and consciously do things if I want to be happy.

Sorry that I am being very contemplative. I just came from hours of battle against polynomial functions and their graphs. Tomorrow, I have a long test which I really need to prepare for.

My current outlook towards schooling is that I have to study well and that this university was equipped to fill and tweak my brain and that I must comply. For someone who wants good grades, this outlook might work but I have learned from the past that my rhetoric change rapidly. I am still looking for a niche (I prefer calling it a hole) where I could stay in until the last day of my life and in the process, I jump from one to the other.

If you want to read a book, try "Belong To Me" by Marisa de los Santos. Wonderfully written.

Also, at around 1:45 AM today, I announced on Twitter my vow to consume the genius of Gabriel Garcia Marquez whenever I have time to do so (in between school work and slacking off, there's only enough time to eat and pee). Read "A Very Old Man With Enormous Wings".

Rock concerts, siomai and high school friends

The past few days I have spent half-assed with depression. The kind that eats you alive. I couldn't take anymore of it so I went to an outdoor rock concert with my friends. Of course, it was for a good cause. The concert promoted getting the Palawan Underground River into the new list of World Wonders. Just search on Google on how you can vote online or you could just text PPUR15 to 2861. That is 15 votes already! 

It was in front of a building in UP. Forgot the name. Bad journalism here and in a few moments witness bad photography. I wasn't able to bring my camera so I used the one squeezed in my phone. The whole time, I was carrying a backpack that contained my Precalculus book and notes.

Before anything else, I ate some cake. I took a nap and when I woke up, I had this random craving for cake. I was on the verge of breaking apart because everyone had something to do so I have no one to go with to get cake. Luckily, they sell some at the cafe at the basement of the upper class dorm. It wasn't that good but bad air is better than no air at all.

 

The photo above shows Noel Cabangon. He is in the middle of his hit song "Kanlungan". Its the song with the lines: "Panapanahon ng pagkakataon, maibabalik ba ang kahapon." Hearing it again live broke my heart.

It was the song all my high school teachers sang for my batch. They were all wearing white. Somewhere in the song they would pause and read out a message. I cried. It felt so bad because the rare times I let people in my life, these wonderful bunch who helped me grow up so much I had to leave. After four of the longest years of my life, it can never be the same again. And the parents who all held up their camcorders against my face can attest to how thankful I am to them. Pisay WVC teachers are the best and you have to experience them to believe that is holy truth.

There were a lot of other bands but you know, its Noel Cabangon. He made me feel proud being Filipino when he sang at the inauguration.

That''s Roselen, me, Roezel and Dana. We have been classmates for the later three years of high school (Roezel was a classmate for four years and we obviously aren't getting tired of each other). Our section is really tightly knit and if you're one of us, you can hang with anyone. In this spur-of-the-moment retreat to rock concert, we were available so we had to go. My high school classmates are my stress relievers. I saw this apparatus on TV once that you fill with water and you submerge your feet into it. After a few minutes, copper red solids will start forming and it is assumed those are toxins from your body. Just imagine the feeling you get when toxins are pulled out of your system. That's probably the same as how I feel when I see them after a long day. Refreshed. Like a soul suddenly finding rest in a war field. I'm being cheesy here but I'm one depressed teenager so let me be.

Fried siomai. We also ordered tempura and kwek-kwek but we were too excited and famished that my phone camera just couldn't catch up. Street food in UP is the best. Its like food fest all the time! And the prices are ridiculous. We don't have street food in Ateneo which is sad.

So that is about it. I'm not feeling as bad as I did yesterday. Hope this goes away soon. I hate it when you can notice everyone suddenly being so sensitive and pacifist towards your needs when they know you're depressed. You feel like a burden.

Being sad and not exactly knowing why

These days have been really tough on me. I can't list down why but everyday is turning into a more extreme form of torture. Really really sad right now. =((

Everything is productive.

It is only how you look at them that matters. Let us take for example this weekend.

I got to watch Zombadings: Patayin sa Shokot si Remington, the third film from Cinemalaya 2011 that I have seen (Sayaw ng Dalawang Kaliwang Paa, Ang Babae sa Septic Tank). Before college started, one of the things that cheered me up about moving to Manila was being able to enjoy film festivals to the fullest. In Iloilo, the movie houses cater only to mainstream which is more often than not, an illusion of movement of crap. So... ten points for me!

Ate half of a plate of Rodic's tapsilog. It is undeniably a marvel. I only ate half because the sun was setting and we were on our way to a party. Was trying to be kind to my belly.

Kwek-kwek (not sure if I spelled it right. Someone make a dictionary of Filipino street food please). Kwek-kwek or kwek-kweks are fried quail eggs coated with an orange batter that doesn't necessarily need to taste like something. Its really good. The bigger ones that use chicken eggs are called "Garfield".

We, myself and some high school classmates, went to the Pisay Alumni Homecoming at the Diliman campus! It was weird because I'm from the Iloilo campus and almost everyone there was from Diliman. We saw people from our high school and heard a lot of good news. I also met some of my elder sister's classmates. I was on my first year of existence when my sister was a freshiman in high school. A number of her friends went to the homecoming and it felt good having people who remember how small you were during the mid 1990s. Hahaha. "I know you. You're Leo, named after your uncle." It felt weird. "You're big na!"

Some of us who went to the dinner moved to McDo where we stayed at until 6 AM. I did some Math to calm my nerves (what?).

I have a number of papers due this week that I still haven't started doing and a list of lessons I still do not understand. Still, I would consider this weekend productive. Yehey!

Zombadings in the theatre

Watch it while it is still on theaters around the metro! Really good. 2011 is such a good year for those who have prayed for the resurrection of Philippine cinema!

Ang Sayaw ng Dalawang Kaliwaang Paa - a ranty review and I despise ambiguity

Ang Sayaw ng Dalawang Kaliwang Paa (hereafter referred to as ASDKP) is a film about a literature teacher and her two male students. Then the rest is an explosion of ambiguity. (if you want a better blurb, please click this link)

I was able to watch the film a few hours ago here at Ateneo.

The Loyola Film Circle hosted the event. I really wanted to watch the movie but I wasn’t able to get tickets so I waited outside with everything crossed, especially my fingers, for Standing Room Only tickets. Eventually, I landed on the floor, in front of the giant screen amongst a crowd I hopefully share my fascination with the recent Cinemalaya entries with.

Luckily, Alvin Yapan (who directed the film together with Alemberg Ang) was there and said a few things about the film after the viewing. He said the film was supposedly ambiguous and here is what I have to say:

(what I have to say probably won’t matter but anyways)

The film is ambiguous. I have ambiguous opinions on if I would suggest you watch it or not. The film is genius, but not all genius is watchable lest the brain will turn into mush.

It was great technically. If viewed without personal bias, I would definitely volunteer to have your money and fall in line for you in the cinemas. The problem is what I am trying to do here is review the movie and I need context and personal bias to do so. So basically, this suggesting of the film is a catch-22, or at least something to the effect of 'it doesn't sound correct'.

If I consider biases, I wouldn’t suggest you watch the film. I hate ambiguity in film. Although personal history shapes our opinions and understanding, there should be an intrinsic answer in the film. I find it amusingly depressing that people will never come to realize that in the age old question of “yes or no” there is no in between. The film, for example, in terms of showcasing homosexuality in society, never really crosses the road but stays in the middle of it - where it will eventually be mauled by speeding vehicles. Movies are supposed to tell a story and provide a hopefully unique perspective. ASDKP tells a story but provides only droplets of perspective. Or my mind just can’t take the ambiguity (which I hate so much).

Are they being gay or just executing a choreography?

Does Jean Garcia grow older like everyone else?

But in the end, bottom line is watching a film shouldn’t be a question but a rhetoric "why not?"(except Final Destination 5 which I heard is a handful of crap) Seriously, do not be swayed by my rants. A stupid man is one who doesn’t buy movie tickets when he definitely can. But this is my opinion nonetheless.

Baguio trip

I obviously do not post a lot of photos so....

Don't mind the sad state of my hair. You don't travel for more than 6 hours by land and remember to comb your hair.

I'm doing this blog post partly because of guilt because it has been a long time. When I logged into my blogger account, I saw a lot of improvements. It felt like leaving a province then coming back when its already a metropolis (whaaaat!!??! Unnecessary. Never mind.)

The Baguio trip was nice. Baguio is a really nice place and it has been 14 years since I last went. I forgot to ask my parents to bring over the old Baguio pics. I really wanted to do a then and now photo set. But I would fail definitely because the first night we were in Baguio, I could already feel sickness building up. During the second night, I had fever and now I have cough and a runny nose. It is know permanently etched in the outer layers of my brain that I do not like too much cold, too much of anything actually.

So there. I'll probably be adding more posts later.

A lot of fails lately and the happiness meter has given up. I am sad. 

I borrowed a Fulghum book. Robert Fulghum is funny. I might find refuge.